I just recently read an article about why men today are so angry.  The article had several points so before you go dissecting my argument…I’m mostly focusing on the the argument that men are bitter and angry that women  seem to want equality in all areas of life except dating/sex/relationships.

So there they are.  Angry men.  Trying to figure out why exactly it is that they should pick up the tab, open the door, etc.etc.  And while I’ve covered one of many angles in Dear Boys, Why I Never Pay On Dates?  Here is another angle.  Well more of an exposé.  On who these angry men have to blame.  Because bee tee dub?  It sure as fuck isn’t me.

So here it is.  The answer.  First the why.  And then the who.

So the why…short answer?  Because you still judge us.  Okay sure.  Not all of you.  Of those who read my blog, probably a lot fewer than the general population.  But still a HUGE ass chunk of boys.  So you can just go ahead and blame your bros.  Blame it ALL on them, because they’re ruining it for everybody.

Why you have to do the asking?  Why you have to pick up the tab?  For the same reason I have to pretend I haven’t slept with half of British Columbia and most of Washington.  Just Sayin’  It’s all about the guise and illusion and until you don’t judge me for all the indiscretions that take away from the lady-likeness that is demanded of me.  You better open my goddamn door.  You better pony up with some change for my soda.  You best get to asking me out.  (assuming after articles like this boys still want to lol).

And I know your immediate reaction.  You’re thinking.  Oh I don’t judge.  Whatever happened before me doesn’t matter.  Blah blah blah.  While on the one hand I call that total bullshit.  On the other hand…I’ll just give it to you (the point I mean, get your mind out of the gutter).  Let’s assume you don’t pre-judge the super slutmazing ways of my late teens and early twenties.

Even then there’s still all the little things.  Like being slutty now.  Kissing too soon.  Fucking too soon.  And getting judged.  Calling too quickly.  And getting judged.  Being the one to do the asking.  And getting judged.  Because I know what it is that you want.  You want the girl that all the other boys can’t get.  You want the prize.  You want the star.  And you want the girl that is recognized for being those things.  By the other primates.  I mean boys.

So the next time you moan and complain about having to make the first move, having to shell out for a date, and having to open a simple little door.  Have some compassion.  Because while all you need is balls.  Chicks have to plan strategy like goddamn army generals.  It’s not so easy being HardToGet when all you want to do is just be fucking normal.  Just to be nice and kind and fun.  Without having to worry about giving it all away (not just sex) too early.  And for reference I’m not talking about emotionally slutty susans here.  That’s a whole other ballgame.  I’m talking about a normal girl.  Who doesn’t want to play games.  But has to.  Like Stratego.  When all she wants to do is tell you where the flag is and go makeout already.  But can’t.  Because you’re judging her.  Or other boys are judging her.  And she doesn’t yet know that you’re not one of the boys judging her.

And you have your judgmental brothers to thank for that.  So think about that.  The next time your buddy rags on a girl being slutty.  Or no longer being interested because she was too interested and though he thought she was rad, he wanted a chase.  Go ahead.  Punch him in the face.  Maybe even knock his balls around a bit.  Because he’s really your worst enemy.  Making you angry.  Keeping you from the things you want (like getting laid).  And making you open doors.  Which is a pretty big hardship I admit.  And while you’re at it.  Maybe it’s time to collect the $500 he owes you for all the dates you’ve had to take out all year.  I know I’d be scrounging through his pockets.

Dear Boys,

My dear, dear boys.  My Angry Andrews.  My Hard done by Henrys.  My Picking up the tab Peters.  It’s time you knew the truth.  Admitted it to yourselves.  Those Bros you’re always keeping before your Hos.  They’re to blame.  For things not being equal.  For the fact that ladies don’t want to do the asking.  They’re the reason that chick is holding out on you.  That is wasting your time being coy when everybody could just be having fun together.  I know it’s hard to hear dude.  But the only person fucking you right now is your homies.  Your DNA twins.  Your buddies, your dudes, your bros.  So don’t tell me dudes.  Because I already know it’s bullshit.  But go ahead and spread the news through the dudework.  Get that message out.  Stop judging the ladies.  And things’ll go your way.  Our way.