Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.  Americana Brilliance.

Six Degrees of Yours Truly (Vancouver Edition).  The Story Of My Life.  We used to play it the old school way.  And that was bad enough but now facebook allows for the fun (read: torture) with little to no effort.

I was recently talking to a friend about one of the reasons I liked Garbage Man (and let things go on as long as they did).  The thing of the thing was, he was utterly unconnected.  No facebook.  No Twitter.  No team sports.  Very low connectability quotient.  Little to no chance he knows anyone I know nor I know anyone he knows.  And even if we did, we’d never find out.

Vancouver is a major (Canadian) city.  Sure it’s no New York or LA, but count in the surrounding municipalities (in one of which I live) and it’s a decent size.  And yet.  I can’t seem to find someone with no strings flapping in the breeze.  We are all fucking connected.  By “We” I mean the “Somethings” and Me.  And I know you’re thinking well duh! obviously you’re connected.  Except I don’t mean a connection from them directly to me.  I mean the connection from them to someone (they know) to someone (that knows my friend) to someone (I know) to Me. This leads to many dating stories of various kinds.

Barbie.  Okay so I’ve never really talked about him in this blog.  Mainly because there’s not that much to tell.  Barbie was the first guy I met through online dating and I have to say.  It was not good.  While I’m sure a lovely fella (you could actually grate cheese on his abs, and he was a double-shirter), he was dumb as bricks.  I mean shockingly so.  But I digress, none of this is really the point.  So regardless of the lack of dating potential, he wanted to be buddies.  I don’t normally do this, but I said sure.  Basically we just became facebook buddies (this was before I made my dating rule about not “friending” people you date on facebook).  And let me tell you the surprise it was to find at least 30 people on his friendslist that either went to my high school/I currently know.  He also later revealed to be “dating” a chick living less than 5 blocks from me.  FAWK!  2 degrees.

Intelligence Officer.  So there I am stalking him looking at his facebook and before you get all judgey (that’s my job) and ask why I’m looking at it in the first place…uh…because it’s there and I’m a child?  because I’m bored?  because I like to play with fire?  something of this nature I’m sure.  And the way you know that it is all in good fun and not that I’ve suddenly formed some sort of attachment is I would actually act completely opposite if I cared.  Mega Love finally got on facebook after like 6 years of me saying he should.  I checked it a couple of times.  I check it no longer.  I only play with fire when it doesn’t have to potential to ACTUALLY burn me.  See? (There’s another nice dating rule to follow, btw.)

So anyways…his friendslist/wall/etc is set to private.  His photos however are not.  “So how do you plan to play this game then?” you ask.  Well I’m pretty crafty (this is a joke as it’s clearly childsplay), let’s take a look.

I click the first photo.  I read the first comment.  Hmm…I recognize that name.  I click it and the person and I share 2 mutual friends.  ack.  I go back.

I look at the second comment.  I don’t recognize the name but I’m invested now.  I click it and the person and I don’t share any mutual friends but low and behold of the 6 random photos it shows is Flashback McElementarySchool’s photo.  That’s right.  It’s a girl I went to elementary school with, highland dancing, brownies and girl guides and once had this awesome conversation with.

SideBar:
Me:  Oh My God!
Her:  Don’t take my lord’s name in vain!!!
Me:  What should I say?
Her:  Gosh, say Oh My Gosh.
Me:  Oh, but you can’t say that.  I believe in Gosh, so how about you don’t take MY lord’s in vain. (and it’s Atheism for the win!)

So now I’m really in it.  I think to myself, okay I’ll just check the comments on the first 5 photos…I mean there’s no way right?  There can’t possibly be anymore connections between me and him.  ack.

2nd photo.  I click the first commenters name.  Our mutual friend = son of one of my parent’s closest friends, friend of my bro’s from high school, used to live 3 blocks away.

3rd photo.  I click the first commenters name.  Our Mutual friends = girl from high school, guy from one of the dating sites I use (who I never dated but have on facebook, don’t ask).

Fuck.  Okay so I’m not even going to look at five.  3 photos and I’ve got more more more than enough connections.  Sad face.  Not pleased.  2 or 3 degrees depending on which circumstance you’d like to reference.  Fuck.  Ack.

MMA Guy.  Friendslist is private.  I check his bro’s page (one of the two…triplets remember).  Cause I’m ingenious like that.  His friendslist is public.  2 mutual friends.  ack.  3 degrees.  Fuck.

Now sure enough we could try and pretend that these fellas are just aberrations and that I’m sure all the other guys I’m dating/will date are a different story, shrouded in privacy and lacking connections…but it seems unlikely.

Will the next guys I date fall within the same Six Degrees?  I’d be willing to bet on it.  Though I doubt we’ll ever be able to prove it.  Because I am now a strict follower of the “datey-no-face-bookey” rule.  Which hopefully will cut down on stalkability connectability.