So yes.  There’s another guy.  Sort of.  At the very least another “Something”.  But I’ve been holding off on writing about him because well, as you can see with a name like Twitter Guy, he follows me on Twitter.  And for reference, my Twitter is not like my facebook.  Facebook is 90% real life in the flesh people I know.  Twitter is 100% blog related.  So if you’re on my Twitter.  You know about the blog.  You probably read the blog.  You know I give dating advice, dating rules, relationship advice, and the like.  So like I said, I’ve been holding off on talking about Twitter Guy (reasons to come to light later).  And because I’ve been holding off.  There’s way too much for just one post.  So there will be several.  Sorry.  But here’s the first.  It depicts, the Twitter Stage.

So I’m sure we all remember not too long ago (back when a date seemed possible with MMA Guy, and The Divorcée was acting like a pansy and Normal Guy…well…I still don’t know what his deal was) that I was all atwitter (that’s right…I said atwitter…don’t act like you’re not aware of my love for themes and tie ins) over these stupid boys and their stupid lack of balls and general fucking stupidity.  Um, that’s another things guys to do annoy women: Be stupid.

That’s when Twitter Guy started to DM me.  (For all of you not on Twitter…which is basically like all of Canada…DM means Direct Message).  Mostly of the… “don’t date boys then, date men” variety.  I think at some point he said, “In light of the fact that you’re looking for a man, I would suggest we meet for coffee.”  Confident and cute.  I like it.

My twitter picture is the same as my blog picture.  The Tin Man.  Heart Ripped Out.  Why on earth would this guy be ready to meet me without knowing what I really looked like, was my thought process.  And then my message process, as I clearly asked.  He joked about being able to find my profile on the online dating site which I happened to use back then.  Which would actually be fairly easy due to miniature-ness of the city of Vancouver and the fact that I’m clearly a certain body-type not to mention my username is a dead give away.  Hmm…if I was less of an internet geek I might have found that a little creepy (my friend’s response) but I am of the internet generation.  Frankly, if he couldn’t find me that way I would have thought him a bit stupid aka akin with the other morons I’ve been dating lately, and thus undateable.

But here was the catch.  I didn’t know what he looked like.  Okay wait.  That’s not totally true.  He has a picture up on his Twitter.  It was not good.  But I wasn’t completely deterred.  I’ve taken bad photos.  I’ve seen other people take bad photos.  Garbage Man was much hotter than his photos.  Tedski was not.  It can really go either way.  But I wasn’t sold yet.

And then he changed his photo.  And I started to consider it.  I mean really consider it.  But.  At this point.  I’m not really sure how it would work dating someone who knows about my blog.  eek!  We start emailing.  I ask for more pictures.

He emails pictures.  3.  2 are…not great.  1 is quite nice.  Very.  Geek Chic.  I like it.  But what’s a girl to do.  You know me and facebook and my datey-no-facebookey rule.  But we were at an impasse.  I convey my hesitation and suggest that we facebook each other.  That way I can see some other photos and decide if the no-good photos are closer to the real him or if the Geek Chic is the winner.  He declines.  He gives a reason.  I find it…whatever…at the time.

I haven’t decided either way.  So we continue to chat.

Some things I really like about him.  He’s got a grown up job.  He’s smart.  There’s that good photo.  He’s witty and obviously gets my jokes.  Um…obviously thinks I’m pretty cool.

Some things I really don’t like about him.  Sometimes he seems a bit pretentious.  When I talk about my hesitations regarding dating him and my blog…he says things like:

“It may surprise you but I have been blogged about before (favorably I might add) in a very famous local sex and relationship blog”

ugh.  not great.  There’s a good dating tip to follow:  Don’t date someone who boasts that he’s been featured in a sex blog. That’s kind of on the list of huge dating turn offs.

I asked if he actually READS my blog.

“I have read most of your blog but I skip over some stuff. I don’t really need to read through your critiques of other people’s profiles (since that doesn’t really apply to me) and I don’t get the meaty reference”

Now I don’t know about you guys.  But I can’t ever forget about all things “Meaty”.  Fuck I mean, “Meat” is an actual label…like there’s numerous posts that involve Garbage Man and the Meat Talk.  I mean it’s right there.  On the fucking side.  In that cloud of labels.  Just Sayin’.  But then again.  Perhaps if he started reading after all that…and never read any earlier (which is something I do with blogs all the time…it would explain that).

He goes on to say this…in response to (again) my hesitation regarding him knowing about my blog.

“My rule’s pretty simple: No names, no pictures, nothing that should in any way point back to me. I don’t really care what people say about me except a blog is not a place for any of your relationships to find out about what you REALLY think of them. In other words, just tell the people what you think and then your blog is always just backing up what they already know… no surprises, right? That’s the key (in my opinion) to avoid running into trouble with your blog and your dates. Posting pictures (even if they ARE doctored) is probably not a great idea, you could get yourself into trouble if some of the people you write about find out they’re shown on the Interwebz. That’s just my advice to you, do what you want with it…”

This whole thing really irked me.  One, because again, I feel like it’s an indication that he doesn’t in fact READ the blog.  Um…doctored photos…what are you talking about?  I’ve posted one photo of a real person one time…and I didn’t doctor it…he drew the crazy devil horns himself.  And I know I’m being waaaay judgmental but the whole thing just reeks of I’m-so-above-blogging and I’m-such-a-dating-pro and you-have-so-much-to-learn-little-one.

Back to things I like.  And this one is really the clincher.  He seems like a man of action.  He is trying to get the digits.  He is trying to make a date happen.  He is initiating things.  He is pursuing.  He attests to being a man, where all other boys have failed.  His words have the promise of Balls.

But.  I can’t let go of the weirdness that would be him reading about other guys in my blog or reading about himself in my blog.  And for reference, I’m not a fan of censoring.  Okay well that’s not true.  In real life, yes….filter it right baby…but this is my blog and I’ll write what I want to.  Or at least that was the plan.

This is all happening just days before It’s My Boy Party and I’ll Enjoy Who I Want To.

I decide to say no.  For now.  I tell him the truth.  That it’s too weird because he’ll read the blog and I’m about to get laaaaaaiiiiiddd! and how weird would that be to date someone who would read about my booty call (well…what I thought was a promising booty call back then).  He accepts this gracefully.  He doesn’t “unfollow” me so that’s a good sign.

In the “can’t do it” email.  I said something like, “I hope it doesn’t tear you apart inside” or “I’ll hope you can withstand the tragedy of it” or something equally dramatic and JOKING.
He responded….not great.  I know it’s the internet and jokes and innuendo and tone are almost always misconstrued.  But in his response.  He said something along the lines of “I’m not broken up at all” or something equally as pretentious and well…sorry…but…douchey.

Yep.  Definitely made the right decision.

He messages me.  Asking for advice about his lady-issues.  If we’re being friends and such this is totally on par…no problem…and I’m ready to dispense with that sort of advice.  If either of us is still considering the possibility of dating…this is a serious TMI situation.  On his side.  (Did you note that.  I said on his side.  In the world of literature.  This is what we call foreshadowing.  As if to say.  There might be TMI on my side later.  back to the action.)

So there I am trying to process this information.  And by information I mean baggage.  Dude has ties.  To everyone.  Past.  Present.  Hell there’s so many strings I almost want to say future.  Dude is tied up.  I don’t so mind the ex-baggage.  I’m not super keen on the way he says certain stuff.  Maybe he just doesn’t know how pretentious and douchey it sounds.  Or perhaps it’s bullshit in some sort of misguided attempt to make me jealous/up his stock/etc.  Either way.  Claiming “standing offers from my exes and some considerable interest from someone new” is not a good look.  On anyone.  Big turn off.

So I ask questions.  I can’t dispense advice till I know all the pertinent information.  In our back and forth emails I really notice that he often doesn’t totally understand what I’m saying, I’m likely not understanding everything he’s saying, and frankly I think we both have a case of not being able to convey what we really mean.  But dispense advice.  And that’s that.

I Tweet.

In Serious Need of a Pep Talk.

Friends respond with shoulders and ears.

He DMs.  Asks what’s wrong.  Even says “Cupcake” which I found quite endearing.

I figure since he totally unloaded all that TMI on me a couple of days ago and we’re not going to date I might as well put all my TMI out there and get some advice or at least some empathy.

So I hit him with all the boy drama.  The stupidity of boys.  The disappointment about the boys that aren’t stepping up and essentially my lack of dates (I know…I look super cool).  The troubles of life.  The woes of trying to accomplish goals when shit just keeps getting in your way.  The loneliness that comes when so so many of your friends don’t live close by.  Basically just all very so sad so sad so sad woe is me woe is me woe is me.

He responds with advice and sympathy.  And here’s the clincher.

“*I* want to go out with you, blog or no….let’s go for coffee or something and see where it goes.”

He seems like a man of action. He is trying to get the digits. He is trying to make a date happen. He is initiating things. He is pursuing. He attests to being a man, where all other boys have failed. His words have the promise of Balls. And there, my friends, is something men do to turn women on.

So there ya go.  He got me.  I cave.

Hmm…Okay I’m in…Give me a shout sometime 778-AWE-SOME.

And that.  Is the end.  Of the Twitter Stage.  It’s time to take it to the phones.